Sideways

If you want to know what my current life is about (for true completists only), listen to "Smoke & Mirrors", the latest album by Lifehouse. Having never been more than an occasional listener of their hit songs, something caused me to gravitate toward the album when I saw it was $1.60 on MP3 City. It's what I expected: over-produced and highly Chris Daughtry-esque (fitting since at least one song was co-penned by the American Idol alum). Still, despite all apparent flaws, I am in love with this album. It is literally like someone has put my feelings to music.

Lately, I have been ineffective spiritually because I've been sidetracked by cursed feelings. Feelings are a wretched kryptonite to my lonely spirit. My concerns have been more on finding "the one" than living for the one true God. Facebook has become a breeding ground for my isolated tendencies, a house of one-sided mirrors where I can watch the world but have to allow the world permission to watch me. There, my heart is safe, my dreams remain unscathed, and I can pretend to be an interesting person.

I'm tired of wearing the Internet veil. It's such a manipulated environment. God did not intend for us to communicate solely by keyboard. If He had, asdf would be on our arms. I want to embrace life, or at least learn how to. This isn't my own version of "Your Best Life Now"; I long to remain in Christ, but making John 3:16 my status does not equal bravery. I want to set my feet to pavement, and if that means slipping through mud on occasion, it's still better than tripping through wires.

Unrequited love will not stop my heart. God has a plan for me, but it doesn't involve pining over Patty Mayonnaise. Loneliness will not be a conqueror, but an incentive.

"I want to breathe in a new beginning with someone who will wrap her arms around what's left of me." -- Lifehouse, "Had Enough"